Lauren, I'm more than happy to subscribe here so I can read your words without having to wade through the Perpetual Misery Machine. You're one of my faves, and I for one would be THRILLED to hear your thoughts on Taylor's documentary. (I enjoyed it and was glad to see the beginnings of her desire to own her political voice -- hm, that sounds familiar -- but wish it had gone deeper.)
OK, that's it, I'm officially going in on that next week. (I was so struck by her eating disorder revelations, and the way that parasitic image implanted itself in my brain before I started untangling my self-hatred.) More soon. ;)
Thank you for your endorsement of Biden! Beating Trump is priority number 1.
That being said, I must express my discomfort with personally endorsing Biden.
As a survivor of sexual assault I am troubled by the credible (by journalistic standards) allegations against Biden. And yes, I understand who he is running against.
I would feel more comfortable endorsing Biden if he actually addressed the allegations. Truthfully I don't know what would be a satisfying answer but the way he is wielding the privilege of his position is all too familiar. I am disturbed by his silence and although I trust your good intentions I am also upset that your written endorsement failed to wrestle with this hard topic.
Isn't the silence a form of gaslighting? Doesn't silence benefit the oppressors over the victims?
I hope we can affirm one another by saying we believe if even in the same breath we say we believe Donald Trump's accusers.
How can we in-fuck the media?! They keep using bullshit language and not calling out lies. They keep letting politicians off the hook. I follow a robust inventory of news outlets and see it on all of them to some degree.
Shouldn’t this be where our voices could make the most impact? Why are we calling in Politicians to act when we KNOW they are beholden to the dollar. Is this the same sad sorry state for the outlets we get our information from too? Is it really free press?
I agree. There is a major lack of the kind of precise language we need, especially when referring to the president (liar, racist, etc). I'm hoping to use this space to hold the flame for sanity, and I'll be sure to recommend other writers who are doing the same along the way.
I'm really pleased that this is a thing - your voice is so important, I'm so happy to see a community gathering around it, and I feel grateful to play even a small part as a reader.
Love the content, am definitely in for a Taylor Documentary Final Thoughts!
I don't know if this would be in the realm of possibility for inclusion, but I'd be keen to see/highlighted the smaller local community based things that can be done.
I don't know about you, but I could name way more Federal officials than virtually any State politician, and I feel empowering local communities will help with whatever is coming next.
Not sure what or how that would look, but a suggestion to add to the mix, the pancake packet mix - who's hungry for breakfast food?
Hell yes, Neil! We all get so sucked into the Jumbotron of national news and the general election, we forget that often our biggest impact can be local. I’ll do a whole newsletter dedicated to that idea, and maybe build a discussion thread off it. More soon. 💕🤟
Your early political essays in teen vogue were points of reality in a cloud of gaslight. They helped. Your mentions of perfectionism and the need to love yourself / have compassion for yourself are very like the things I've recently understood through recent therapy. Thank you.
I have been on such a long journey with that one. Writing my book really snapped me out of it in a big way, but I'm still working to unlearn the constant violence of that asshole voice. Have any practices been especially helpful for you?
This is based on the assumption that the ahole is perfectionism.
The thing that worked was finding the right therapist. I thought I had adequate therapists in the past and I was very wrong. If you aren't making progress consider changing therapists or seek counsel with different friends etc. The right help might be in you or might be the right guide - help exists. The following is an attempt to distill months of what has actually helped. It could be totally useless to you.
First a condensed concept - how we end up blocking ourselves - Defensive mechanisms are old habits that did protected me long ago but now they are more dangerous than it is to push them aside and make space for the present.
Perfectionism thoughts, for me, seem to reinforce my doubts of competence and fear of not being wanted. And in turn, those thoughts turn on my facade of helplessness informing me that I can't. I also have a few other mechanisms like the "thinking" layer that rationalizes why I still should have the old defenses. Objectively I have empirical evidence that I can get things done.
I now know they are all old protective habits that were there as protection from a pain in the past. So, when I am mindful enough to notice any of those habitual reactions coming up I can sort of "nope" out of them. Then I notice how my body is reacting which informs or confirms what I'm feeling ... generally they seem to "protect me" from feeling anger. Not acting angry, just knowing I am feeling anger.
Anger should energize you. Those defenses suck up your energy and can leave you weary. 2nd realization, all those thoughts are not simply failing to protect me, they are making my situation worse. Turn them all off. And like anything difficult the way forward is to keep practicing.
Early on it helped to imagine the doubt, fear, and so on as inventory. Then I could drop them off in an archive because I don't need them now. I may have started by "asking" them to wait in the next room.
And that took longer than I thought to write... might be perfectionism it might be just enough doubt to have made that clearer. Brains, right?
I just read your coming out article for the first time. I have never read something that spoke to me more! For the first time i can admit to myself that i am also queer, and i am no longer going to live not accepting that :) so thank you from the bottom of my heart! I am so looking forward to continuing to read your inspiring words here
Hi Lauren, I have PTSD and I have never read someone describe the feelings you just did about dreams and being stuck in them. I have felt that way for a long time but no one has ever described that. Thank you.
Ah, Alison, I am so sorry you know that nightmare state. Your comment has officially inspired to write more about dealing with trauma brain. Sending you extra strength as you continue to heal. <3
Lauren, I'm more than happy to subscribe here so I can read your words without having to wade through the Perpetual Misery Machine. You're one of my faves, and I for one would be THRILLED to hear your thoughts on Taylor's documentary. (I enjoyed it and was glad to see the beginnings of her desire to own her political voice -- hm, that sounds familiar -- but wish it had gone deeper.)
OK, that's it, I'm officially going in on that next week. (I was so struck by her eating disorder revelations, and the way that parasitic image implanted itself in my brain before I started untangling my self-hatred.) More soon. ;)
Lauren,
Thank you for your endorsement of Biden! Beating Trump is priority number 1.
That being said, I must express my discomfort with personally endorsing Biden.
As a survivor of sexual assault I am troubled by the credible (by journalistic standards) allegations against Biden. And yes, I understand who he is running against.
I would feel more comfortable endorsing Biden if he actually addressed the allegations. Truthfully I don't know what would be a satisfying answer but the way he is wielding the privilege of his position is all too familiar. I am disturbed by his silence and although I trust your good intentions I am also upset that your written endorsement failed to wrestle with this hard topic.
Isn't the silence a form of gaslighting? Doesn't silence benefit the oppressors over the victims?
I hope we can affirm one another by saying we believe if even in the same breath we say we believe Donald Trump's accusers.
Your fan,
Anonymous
Lauren
How can we in-fuck the media?! They keep using bullshit language and not calling out lies. They keep letting politicians off the hook. I follow a robust inventory of news outlets and see it on all of them to some degree.
Shouldn’t this be where our voices could make the most impact? Why are we calling in Politicians to act when we KNOW they are beholden to the dollar. Is this the same sad sorry state for the outlets we get our information from too? Is it really free press?
Help!
I agree. There is a major lack of the kind of precise language we need, especially when referring to the president (liar, racist, etc). I'm hoping to use this space to hold the flame for sanity, and I'll be sure to recommend other writers who are doing the same along the way.
I'm really pleased that this is a thing - your voice is so important, I'm so happy to see a community gathering around it, and I feel grateful to play even a small part as a reader.
Holy crap, thank you, Gabriel! I'm so happy you're here.
Hey Lauren, long time reader, first time writer.
Love the content, am definitely in for a Taylor Documentary Final Thoughts!
I don't know if this would be in the realm of possibility for inclusion, but I'd be keen to see/highlighted the smaller local community based things that can be done.
I don't know about you, but I could name way more Federal officials than virtually any State politician, and I feel empowering local communities will help with whatever is coming next.
Not sure what or how that would look, but a suggestion to add to the mix, the pancake packet mix - who's hungry for breakfast food?
Hell yes, Neil! We all get so sucked into the Jumbotron of national news and the general election, we forget that often our biggest impact can be local. I’ll do a whole newsletter dedicated to that idea, and maybe build a discussion thread off it. More soon. 💕🤟
Your early political essays in teen vogue were points of reality in a cloud of gaslight. They helped. Your mentions of perfectionism and the need to love yourself / have compassion for yourself are very like the things I've recently understood through recent therapy. Thank you.
Keep writing, I'll keep reading. 🙂
I have been on such a long journey with that one. Writing my book really snapped me out of it in a big way, but I'm still working to unlearn the constant violence of that asshole voice. Have any practices been especially helpful for you?
This is based on the assumption that the ahole is perfectionism.
The thing that worked was finding the right therapist. I thought I had adequate therapists in the past and I was very wrong. If you aren't making progress consider changing therapists or seek counsel with different friends etc. The right help might be in you or might be the right guide - help exists. The following is an attempt to distill months of what has actually helped. It could be totally useless to you.
First a condensed concept - how we end up blocking ourselves - Defensive mechanisms are old habits that did protected me long ago but now they are more dangerous than it is to push them aside and make space for the present.
Perfectionism thoughts, for me, seem to reinforce my doubts of competence and fear of not being wanted. And in turn, those thoughts turn on my facade of helplessness informing me that I can't. I also have a few other mechanisms like the "thinking" layer that rationalizes why I still should have the old defenses. Objectively I have empirical evidence that I can get things done.
I now know they are all old protective habits that were there as protection from a pain in the past. So, when I am mindful enough to notice any of those habitual reactions coming up I can sort of "nope" out of them. Then I notice how my body is reacting which informs or confirms what I'm feeling ... generally they seem to "protect me" from feeling anger. Not acting angry, just knowing I am feeling anger.
Anger should energize you. Those defenses suck up your energy and can leave you weary. 2nd realization, all those thoughts are not simply failing to protect me, they are making my situation worse. Turn them all off. And like anything difficult the way forward is to keep practicing.
Early on it helped to imagine the doubt, fear, and so on as inventory. Then I could drop them off in an archive because I don't need them now. I may have started by "asking" them to wait in the next room.
And that took longer than I thought to write... might be perfectionism it might be just enough doubt to have made that clearer. Brains, right?
Thank you! Love your writing.
Thank you, Lisa!!
I just read your coming out article for the first time. I have never read something that spoke to me more! For the first time i can admit to myself that i am also queer, and i am no longer going to live not accepting that :) so thank you from the bottom of my heart! I am so looking forward to continuing to read your inspiring words here
Wow, hell yes! WELCOME, my new friend! I just fully did a fist pump haha.
Hi Lauren, I have PTSD and I have never read someone describe the feelings you just did about dreams and being stuck in them. I have felt that way for a long time but no one has ever described that. Thank you.
Ah, Alison, I am so sorry you know that nightmare state. Your comment has officially inspired to write more about dealing with trauma brain. Sending you extra strength as you continue to heal. <3